{"id":1873,"date":"2015-03-09T13:00:00","date_gmt":"2015-03-09T21:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.canyoncountryzephyr.com\/blog\/?p=1873"},"modified":"2015-03-02T14:02:55","modified_gmt":"2015-03-02T22:02:55","slug":"keeping-out-the-riff-raff","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.canyoncountryzephyr.com\/blog\/2015\/03\/09\/keeping-out-the-riff-raff\/","title":{"rendered":"KEEPING OUT THE RIFF RAFF & INTERLOPERS…"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Find Solitude in the 21st Century<\/strong>
\nBy Jim Stiles<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was a time in the not too distant past, when the vast tracts of public land in Southeast Utah seemed more than adequate to lose oneself in. If I wanted to climb out of the old truck and wander into the unknown, I knew I\u2019d have the place to myself; I could surely even avoid an alien footprint. I once returned to one of my stomping grounds to find a faded track in one of those \u2018secret places\u2019 and was livid, until I realized it was my own.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And if I was feeling lazy and simply wanted to pull down some two track \u2018road\u2019 and car camp, I was sure I\u2019d spend the evening free of interruption. If by some rare chance, another would-be car camper did wander by, he would be as annoyed by my presence as I was by his and he would surely seek solitude in some other remote location, down some other forgotten trail, far away from me.<\/p>\n

Times change.<\/p>\n

In the 21st Century, hordes of well-meaning urban recreationists flood the public lands. They claim to be seeking \u201csolitude,\u201d but seem to think it\u2019s a group experience. They hire tour guides to lead them into country any damn fool could get lost in by themselves. Paid professional environmentalists even encourage mass use of heretofore unknown places, in order to \u201csave them.\u201d (You guys at Red Rock Forests crack me up!)<\/p>\n

And if they dare to wander into dirt road territory without companions, they actually seek the company of grouchy bastards like myself who would rather be left alone.<\/p>\n

Fortunately there are other bastards, just like me, and we need relief. Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands…<\/p>\n

John Depuy and Ed Abbey had a \u201csecret\u201d campsite somewhere between the Canadian border and the Rio Grande. They hated to be interrupted. Once a hapless family made a wrong turn and wandered onto their private BLM driveway, right into the middle of their camp, grinning like idiots.<\/p>\n

Depuy walked to the shiny 4WD rental, grim-faced, the hint of a tear in his eye. He explained that he and his friend were building a funeral pyre for their recently departed Cousin Bob and asked for them to leave at once, so they could proceed with the ceremony.<\/p>\n

With tears in their own eyes and an understanding nod, the family departed.<\/p>\n

Now, I enter libelous territory because I depend on the fading recollection of a story told to me many years ago, by former Zephyr contributor and longtime Castle Valley resident Jack Campbell. I would swear that one afternoon, I was lamenting this very issue, even then, with Jack and he offered me his own courageous method of dealing with arrogant\u00a0 interlopers. He simply stripped buck naked and began dancing about his campsite. He said that this usually caused any nearby human traffic to re-load their vehicles and depart the premises.<\/p>\n

Let me offer another option. A physical diversion if you will. It\u2019s easy to make, easy to store in a corner of your car, won\u2019t take up much space or weight, and I believe it will be, for the unquestioning herd mentality, extremely effective. And since it may be illegal to even propose such a device on federally owned public lands, I offer this idea for \u201centertainment purposes only.\u201d (Standard disclaimer).<\/p>\n

THE SOLITUDE KIT<\/strong>
\nHere is what you\u2019ll need:
\n 2\u00a0\u00a0 4×4 cedar posts, each 2 feet tall.<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0 2\u00a0\u00a0 2 foot sections of steel rebar<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0 2\u00a0\u00a0 steel eyebolts<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0 1\u00a0\u00a0 20-25 foot length of medium weight chain<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0 2\u00a0\u00a0 medium duty padlocks<\/em>
\n\u00a0\u00a0 1 short-handled sledge hammer<\/em><\/p>\n

Now…take the two 4×4 posts and with a heavy duty drill, bore out a hole in the bottom of each post, to a depth of about 8\u201d to one foot. The diameter of the hole should be just slightly wider than the rebar itself.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Paint the two posts a standard government brown. Add a glossy sealant to protect it from the elements. You\u2019ll use this many times.
\nGo into the wild country you love and pick a dirt two track of your choosing. Find a place where the trees and brush grow close to the edge of the trail (You don\u2019t want these people going around your hard work.)
\nUse your sledge hammer to drive the two sections of rebar into the ground, to a depth of about a foot. Slide the 4×4 post over the rebar and camouflage to taste, i.e., make it look like it\u2019s been there for a while.
\nConnect the chain to the eyebolt in each post. Attach the padlocks.
\nNow…add your sign. This is the critical part.<\/p>\n

The idea is to scare your would-be neighbors away, so you want a message that is threatening enough to make them leave, but not SO frightening that they contact the authorities. Or so ridiculous they steal the sign.<\/p>\n

Here are some ideas:<\/p>\n

WARNING!<\/strong>
\nHANTIVIRUS CONTAMINATION AREA<\/strong>
\nPersons entering this section of public lands have been contaminated by<\/strong>
\nthe Hantivirus, a deadly disease carried by the excrement of deer mice. <\/strong>
\nSeveral have been hospitalized as a result and one died. <\/strong>
\nPlease choose a campsite far from this area.<\/strong>
\nThank you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

DO NOT ENTER<\/strong>
\nCYANIDE POISON<\/strong>
\nContaminants from a cyanide gold extraction leaching process has contaminated this area and it is the opinion of the U.S. Surgeon General\u00a0 <\/strong>that human activity beyond this gate is prohibited.<\/strong>
\nThank you for your cooperation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM THE DEPARTMENT of HOMELAND SECURITY<\/strong>
\nTERRORIST THREAT!<\/strong>
\nThe Department of Homeland Security, in cooperation with <\/strong>
\nthe Federal Bureau of Investigation, has closed this area <\/strong>
\nfor reasons of national security.<\/strong>
\nPlease report any SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY to the F.B.I. <\/strong>
\nor your local law enforcement agency.<\/strong><\/p>\n

AREA 51<\/strong>
\nTHIS AREA IS CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.<\/strong>
\nDO NOT ENTER.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Or…come up with your own options. If you choose to add an official government agency logo, you may be violating yet another federal law, so I remain steadfastly ambiguous on such matters.
\nFinally, if you\u2019ve read this story, and you come upon a blocked dirt road on public lands with a chain and a warning similar to these, and you think it\u2019s just someone taking these insane notions to heart, remember…NOBODY reads this damn rag, so it MUST be the real thing.
\nProceed at your own risk.<\/p>\n

Cheers…
\nStiles<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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