"KICKSTART" THIS!!!...

If you don't live in this freaky, paranoid little town (and who would know better about paranoid neuroses than we at the Z), you've missed out on the latest local brouhaha. It's been so goofy we should call it a brouhaha-ha-ha-ha. It's that funny.

It began with a pep talk editorial by our esteemed colleague Sena Flanders, editor of the venerable Moab weekly Times-Independent, and daughter of its publishers, Sam and Adrien Taylor. Ms. Sena (that's pronounced "See-nuh" NOT "Sane-uh! and certainly not "In-Sane-uh") extolled the local citizenry to "kickstart" what she perceives to be Moab's flailing economy. Sena's idea of a good kickstart is to support a couple of proposed boondoggle state and federally funded highway projects that the County Council had wisely rejected. And, of course, she offers another ringing endorsement for the proposed High End Development called Cloudrock, Moab's own version of cold fusion.

(I should note right now that Sena did not write the editorial by herself--she stressed that the whole darn staff wrote it as a joint effort. As I understand the procedure, Publisher Sam hit the "a..s..d...and f" keys, Co-publisher Adrien was in charge of the ";...l...k...and j" keys, and daughter Sena did the numbers. She's darn good with numbers.)

Anyway, the next week, all hell broke loose. To their credit, The T-I set aside three whole pages for citizens to either praise or complain and then Sena let her detractors have it squarely between the eyes. It almost felt like my own war of words with a goofy Sierra Clubber from Salt Lake a couple years ago.

"Take THAT!"

"Oh yeah? Well...take THAT!!!"

When one writer, Richard Schwartz complained that her editorial had "failed miserably" and suggested she go to "a halfway house for befuddled editorialists," Sena was not amused.

"Perhaps you could join us there, Richard," she seethed, "for your befuddled comments were long on complaints and short on solutions. Maybe we could form a support group."

Touche'!

And when former Zephyr Nutshell columnist Steve Russell questioned Sena's "agenda," she damn near bled all over the page. Custer ain't the only guy that wears Arrow shirts around here.

The "agenda," Sena explained, was called "Progress."

Damn right Seeny. We need more aggressive marketing techniques, an unquenchable dedication to growth, full speed ahead! Damn the torpedoes!

Wait a minute. I'm mistakenly reading from the ENRON Master Plan. Sorry about that.

But what about this latest round of economic freakout? Are we underpromoted? Or, as this publication has been suggesting for years with a large mallet, are we overbuilt? (For a Zephyr pictorial, see page 33) And during these low ebbs, how wisely are we dealing with them? Let me give you an example.

Ms. Flanders points out that park visitation has declined in recent years and that city tax collections have also decreased. We've already got more motels than Planter's has peanuts, so what happened to Moab last year? Some genius entrepreneurs came to town and built TWO MORE motels! Hundreds of new rooms to COMPETE with the motels that were already struggling to stay afloat. And in last week's T-I, lo and behold, here's another story about a proposed Holiday Inn Express, right next door to the Aardvark Inn or whatever it's called---you know--where the north highway horse pastures used to be.

Now of course I understand that ultimately, the investors in these new constructions have the final say, and if they're dopey enough to build even more motels...well...it's a free country. Like someone once said, "In Moab, the best way to make a small fortune is to come here with a large one."

Amen.

But wouldn't it be nice if the Chamber of Commerce and Pro-Moab and ol' Sena at the T-I tried to get the word out that we have enough motels for a while? Wouldn't it be great if we actually made a concerted effort to defend the viability of existing businesses? Wouldn't that be a change in this town?

Or take ol' Mr. Pro-Moab Himself and County Council Candidate RexBob Tanner. Now I don't know Rex and maybe I'm wrong, but it seems a lot of those Pro-Mob Folks would love to see something like a Wal-Mart come in here. It's not likely but let's just pretend. Rex owns the Slickrock Campground (free plug, Rex...No Charge). Wal-Mart has recently introduced FREE CAMPING at many of its stores and self-contained motorhomers are flocking to them by the parking lot full, from Bar Harbor to Barstow. So would a Wal-Mart really do much to help the Slickrock Campground?

Figure it out, boys.

As for all this "increased tax base" stuff, I want to ask all of you Moabites to do me a favor. You know where the Mill Creek Pueblos are, right across from Dave's Corner Market. There used to be a horse pasture there and we'd gather in front of Dave's on cool spring mornings, with hot coffee in our hands, and watch the young foals prance and frolic in the greening fields.

In the spring of 2002, the Mill Creek Pueblos are complete and the horse pasture is gone. Here's what I want you to do. Go out there some morning this month, and take a lawn chair, and a thermos of coffee, maybe a donut or two, and set yourself up in front of the fake-adobe "pueblos." Stare deeply at the mauve walls and the thermo-pane windows and all that asphalt. Contemplate the stucco.

Then ask yourself: "Am I enriched by this experience? Do I feel perceptibly lighter, knowing that these buildings have expanded the tax base? When I receive my own tax notice, will I be able to shed tears of joy, knowing that these 'pueblos' have lightened my own tax burden? Am I happier now?"

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you need to be on medication too. As we all know--as EVERYONE IN THE DAMN WORLD KNOWS--this kind of economic growth never lowers anybody's tax liability and the increased tax base goes to pay for all the improvements that the new tax payers demand.

As for all the vacant business buildings on Main Street, about TEN YEARS AGO, I wrote a cover story about the Moab economy. It was called "Moab's Pork Belly Boom." Much of the construction and crazed growth, business and residential, was purely speculative, we suggested. Greed at its best. Or worst, depending on your perspective. It was as reckless as any of the Pie-in-the-Sky Dot.com companies that turned into Dot.CONs.

Now, a decade later, just who exactly is to blame?

Finally, going back to Sena's Brouhaha, there was one letter to the T-I that was particularly memorable. The writer was a defender of Sena's Kickstart Plan and here is what he said, "I constantly hear the term, 'you don't want to open Pandora's Box,' but what is the alternative?"

Alternative? Pandora's Box was "sent by the gods to Pandora, which she was forbidden to open and which loosed a swarm of evils upon mankind when she opened it up." Websters's Dictionary also calls it, "a prolific source of troubles."

So what is the alternative to a "swarm of evils?"

It's slowly going underwater in the South Pacific.

ROAD PROJECT OVERKILL IN SAN JUAN COUNTY

While Grand County residents have been kept informed of major US 191 highway projects north of Moab, a $10 million project in San Juan County could have an equally profound effect on Moabites and interstate travelers.

The Utah Department of Transportation plans to use monies from the Utah Centennial Fund to upgrade sections of the highway between Moab and Blanding. At the top of the list of improvements is the reconstruction of the road at Devils Canyon, 11 miles south of Monticello. UDOT has identified this location as its first priority and is committed to spending all of the $10,000,000, if that is what they think it takes to correct alleged safety issues. If there is anything left (money-wise) UDOT plans to add several miles of much needed passing lanes at crucial locations along US 191 between Moab and Monticello.

But can that kind of expense truly be justified? And is it proper and reasonable to spend all of the allocated funds on Devils Canyon if it means sacrificing the other improvements?

UDOT is attempting to narrow its options at Devils Canyon. The alternatives include a massive expansion of the current alignment which would add passing lanes and breakdown lanes, and reduce the gradient from its current 9% to 4%.

Today, as the highway descends into Devils Canyon, the road cut is about 50 feet wide. Based on exhibits presented by URS engineering at an open house in Blanding last October, the road cut after reconstruction could be as wide as 350 feet. And if the gradient is reduced by as much as URS (the engineering and environmental design company working for UDOT) proposes, the cut and fill operation will be a stunning example of road safety overkill at its very worst.

US 191 at Devils Canyon is one of the most scenic parts of a beautiful drive from Moab to the Arizona border. Ponderosa pines, Gamble oaks and maples fill the canyon. If the project proceeds at the level of construction now proposed, the devastation along the roadway will be total.

The question of prime importance here is: What is truly required to resolve UDOT's safety and traffic flow concerns?

As a regular user of this section of the highway, it's clear that the major area of concern should be the south approach to the canyon. There are a couple of curves and dips that need realignment and flattening. In the summer of 2000, a trucker lost her life when she lost control of her rig on one of those curves, hit the retaining wall and crashed. This section deserves UDOT's primary attention.

The long 9% grade on the north side of Devils Canyon is a nuisance more than a risk. What this section needs is a passing lane. If such a lane is added, the extremely costly issue of reducing the gradient becomes largely irrelevant. Building a passing lane AND drastically reducing the gradient is a redundancy we cannot afford.

Ultimately, opting for the 6% gradient option and a passing lane would spare the canyon from a massive and ugly road fill, maintain some of its beauty, while still fulfilling the main goal of the project--to increase safety and improve traffic flow.

What I have not mentioned so far are two other alternatives proposed by URS that calls for abandoning the current road and building three miles of highway along a NEW alignment.

THIS PLAN IS COST PROHIBITIVE, ENVIRONMENTALLY DISASTROUS AND IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

If URS and UDOT can reconstruct the Devils Canyon section of US 191 with restraint and with judicious planning and budgeting, they would still be able to make those improvements between Moab and Monticello. This would include passing lanes for southbound traffic near Blue Hills and Nipple Hills. My own experience is that heavy truck and tourist traffic between Moab and La Sal Jct. is turning this stretch of highway into a "White Knuckle Experience," and it's getting worse each year.

The project is still in the planning process and there is an opportunity to have some input that actually means something. Construction is not scheduled to begin until spring 2003. If you would like to get involved in this project, here are some contact addresses:

UDOT Region #4, Mike Miles, project manager

1345 S. 350 West

Richfield, UT 84701

435.893.4799

URS Engineering & Environmental Consultants

Doug Atkin, project manager

756 E. Winchester St.

Salt Lake City, UT 84107

801.904.4000

You can also email Governor Leavitt at: governor@state.ut.us

The 2002 State Legislator Roster is: www.le.state.ut.us/asp/roster/roster.asp

And...if you contact any of these people, how about sending a copy to The Zephyr? Thanks.