The essence of a vicious circle is that one is pursuing, or running away from, a terminus which is inseparable from its opposite, and that so long as this is unrecognized the chase gets faster and faster. Alan Watts

"Saving the planet" is a term of art, one that should've come into use decades ago, as smart folks became hip that America’s "standard of living" poses a threat to the vitality of every ecosystem on Earth: The vast savannahs of Africa, for example; or the Smokey Mountains bioregion. Even the Mediterranean. Okay, this is a yet another rant about global warming. But let me state from the outset, I’m not in the Club. Most rocket scientists understand that we’ve overshot carrying capacity, and the result is not going to be fun. More to the point, things are liable to get downright unpleasant for humanoids, as well as for the umpteen other species we’ve placed in harm’s way by our dumb-ass behavior. I rant because the game is being co-opted by a neo-green wave that smacks of self-righteous myopia, further complicating what is simply a case of too many with too much. Or, to misquote Bob Dylan: "Too much of nothing."

We know the climate is warming; but nobody knows exactly why, even Newt Gingrich. The matrix may be so convoluted that science will be searching for Butterfly Effects long after Bangladesh is a corral reef. Maybe Homo erectus asphaltus is to blame. If so, it doesn’t appear that we, haut couture primates that we are, plan to do much about it. Fluorescent light bulbs notwithstanding, reversing a planet’s temperature is a tad more complicated than whatever inconvenient truth you invest in.

But what we’ve known for at least a century is simple: Billions of high-tech monkeys are dangerous to intricately evolved bio-systems. High-tech, in this case, includes the use of language, chain saws, and fire. Toss in pick-up trucks, guns, and alcohol and you have one screwed up planet. Just for a lark, let's assume global warming is not caused by human actions. Now what? Do we continue on our merry way, ingesting material possessions, oblivious to the consequences? Do we persist in glorifying excess, greed, ignorance, and bigotry? Refuse to relinquish our quasi-religious proclivity to place the "self" at the center of the Universe? Alas, there you have it - the history of our species in a nutshell.

The problem with global warming is that it robs Peter to pay Paul (questionable characters in their own right). If our well heeled enviro-groups are off saving the planet from CO2, who's going to do the grunt work of defending local habitats against greedy developers? Who'll protect the least amongst us: Grizzlies; Wyoming toads; Alabama sturgeons; ad infinitum? Who’ll stand firm, defending forests, bogs, and deserts? Not Hilary, Obama, Cheney, or Dirk Kempthorne. They’re married to the relative truth of Billy Bob Clinton: "It's the economy, stupid." The proverbial Emperor is buck naked, parading before the most gullible society ever invented. But off camera, out of the spotlight, the fabric of what makes us human - Nature, if we can still use that word - is coming apart at the seams. Warming or no warming, this has been brewing since the dawn of agriculture and the spread of urbanized mayhem. While we fret over possible heat inversions, our sacrosanct standard of living is unraveling the fabric of life around us. Are we willing to destroy ourselves in pursuit of one last Big Mac? Stay tuned….

I’m fed up with the latest anthropocentric Green Fad de Jour. Here’s an inconvenient truth: Our small planet is stuffed to the gills with humanoids, and needs a serious haircut. We don’t need more energy, or farmland, or aquaculture, or – my personal pet peeve – wind farms. These tricks only perpetuate the myth that we can have it all. But, to restate a favorite aphorism: "The truth is a lie," inconvenient or otherwise.

Folks like Al Gore can't admit that we're a few billion people over the ecological line. Follywood movie moguls can’t afford to piss off half their audience. It’s much more convenient to spout scientific "consensus" about climate. You can argue with the Goracle, but can't win, because the variables are in transit. (And then there are those $1,300 a month utility bills…… save the planet, heat your swimming pool?)

Global warming, as real as it is, is symptomatic of a much deeper rift in the human psyche. Warming or no warming, we have messed up a planet and suddenly feel a bit wobbly over the vicious circle our inane "pursuit of happiness" has rendered. It’s amazing how fear can rouse even sleeping giants. Only, in this case, the giant is us, and the clock is running low on spare minutes. Imagine waking up from a dream, only to find yourself in another dream. Ahoy! Welcome to the Dimformation Age.

I recently spotted an article concerning the newest trend in corporate advertising: Cause marketing. This erudite burst of creative nonsense entices consumers to part with their (parent’s) hard earned cash on behalf of worthy causes, like "saving the planet." Here’s how Newsweek’s writer put it: "Activism is the new chic, and we, the consumers, have become the new activists—saving the world one credit-card transaction at a time." You have to wink at the wry idea of saving the planet via a crass commercial scam. But monkeys are gullible critters, and are more likely to send Bono a buck if he’ll send them back a swank T-shirt embossed with a keen logo. It helps if others know you’re a member of the Club.

What’s a poor eco-freak to do? The conservation "movement" is becoming a parody of itself. If this is Tuesday, it must be another Fund Raising dinner party. Where I live, they call it The Green Tie Affair. Dress up like penguins and donate till you drop. If everybody pitches in we can (yes, that phrase again) "save the planet!" Don’t get me wrong, I’m good to go with green light bulbs and thrift store underwear. Reducing our carbon footprint is fine with me. But why stop there? Let’s reduce our Footprint, period.

Look around. How seriously do the neighbors take global warming? From what I can gather, the hype is already wearing on the garden variety nerves. Assuming that the average American’s attention span is less than 45 seconds, it’s likely that we’re soon going to see grim resignation set in. Those that fear change will suffer. Those who adapt easily to the vicissitudes of life will find new niches and make the most of it. Same as it ever was.

But the smart money is on dealing with our myriad ecological problems in toto. We don’t need global warming to justify fixing our mess. We don’t need Al Gore to convince us that we are making fools of ourselves and causing vast suffering in the process. Any third rate idiot gets out of the rain in order to stay dry. But somehow we’ve allowed our innate myopia to obscure our collective wits. And now we’re looking at a planet that’s having trouble supporting the bulk of its residents, human or otherwise. We know better.

Slowly reducing the human population to carrying capacity levels would initiate the restoration of the planet's damaged ecosystems, regardless of what climate model we adhere to. Hybrid cars and recycled toilet paper are nice gestures, but of band-aid value. In the long haul, compassionate family planning will do more for the so-called climate crisis than the next five placebos put together. One can easily envision a great change coming to the planet, not out of character with other seismic changes which occurred during the Earth's evolution. Cockroaches might end up benefiting tremendously from a warmed globe. So too might gnats, ants, spiders, and even a mammal or two. Deep sea creatures currently residing in volcanic vents may evolve into highly sophisticated critters, eventually becoming high-tech land dwellers. If so, they'll likely overpopulate, crash, and find their own way into the Hall of Oblivion. The nitty gritty is whether humans will be able to continue our age-old societal tea party if planetary warming becomes a serious pain in the ass. China, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, et al, seem more concerned at this point with protein, fast cars, basketball shoes, wi-fi, and military hardware. It's doubtful they're sitting around gawking at Brother Al’s movie. Let’s quit talking and start here: Free condoms! Salut!

Side note -

Call me the Zorro of the Zetetics, but I'm building a bunker 30 feet below the surface, complete with solar panels (atop a cyber-guided antennae) that direct juice to my underground batteries. I’m laying in a hydroponic garden, a library of old movies, an iPod with 10,000 songs, and a stash of magic mushrooms for those times when inner vision is required. I’m going to pipe in CNN in order to keep up with how my fellow Americans are handling the projected 135 degree heat index and 70 year drought. It's going to get weird before it gets better. I figure by my 90th birthday, it'll all be over and I can crawl out to find a whole new planet.