Every now and then, some deranged blogette becomes angry with my use of the term “drunk monkeys” to describe the behavior of Homo erectus asphaltus. “Monkeys don’t drink, much less get drunk,” they rave. And those are the polite screeds.

But, of course, they are wrong. According to the erudite BBC News, monkeys have a well developed taste for the sauce, even when it comes in fru fru cocktail glasses. And they know a good bar when they see one. Especially on lovely Caribbean islands!

Cheers!

posted by Mudd

With a flash of green (not the kind John D. McDonald described in his lovely novel), the media trumpets all things veridian as long as polls remain the color of spinach. And how quickly the global village has adopted shades of foliage in the wake of growing fears over planetary climate snafu.

Alas – fads come and go faster than a speeding Twitter in the Dimformation Age!

As reported by the Environmental News Network – “A growing number of American consumers would like to tell President Obama to focus on the economy first before tackling environmental issues,” according to the Green Confidence Index.

Surprise!

posted by Mud

The only twittering worth talking about involves those noises birds make in the early morning. So recent news about the stagnation of the world’s twit-twits is about as interesting as who talked Obama into wearing that goofy Nehru smock he showed off in China.

“The latest metrics from comScore paint a rough picture for Twitter: Americans using the site decline 7.9 percent in October, compared to September, signaling the second monthly decline for the site in 2009. Yes, the site still boasts 19.2 million users, but the company’s growth of less than 1 percent in September, and an actual decline tracked in August is a real problem.” So says CNBC, from Silicon Valley.

calling all pall bearers.

posted by Mudd

The latest findings from the White Lab Coat Guys indicate a potential breakthrough that may greatly reduce crime, street fighting, and General Warfare (no pun). Could this be the answer to the spread of global terrorism?

“Chemicals in plastics alter the brains of baby boys, making them “more feminine”, say US researchers. Males exposed to high doses in the womb went on to be less likely to play with boys’ toys like cars or to join in rough and tumble games, they found.” BBC News

posted by Mudd

This just in from the folks at Yahoo News –

“Scientists believe climate change — the warming of oceans — has allowed some of the almost 2,000 jellyfish species to expand their ranges, appear earlier in the year and increase overall numbers, much as warming has helped ticks, bark beetles and other pests to spread to new latitudes.

The gelatinous seaborne creatures are blamed for decimating fishing industries in the Bering and Black seas, forcing the shutdown of seaside power and desalination plants in Japan, the Middle East and Africa, and terrorizing beachgoers worldwide, the U.S. National Science Foundation says.”

Welcome to the Newer World Order, where everybody’s going Neo-Green –

As reported by the BBC News – “Greenpeace ‘to put humans first'”

Does this mean the Japanese can go back to eating whales?

posted by Mudd

Thanks to the Palm Beach Post, we now know that the heroic globalman, Albert Gore, has a new title.

BOCA RATON — Confused Palm Beach County voters helped thwart Al Gore’s 2000 bid to become president of the United States, but he was introduced as “president of the planet” when he returned here Saturday night to deliver an environmental lecture.

The sad thing is – it’s going to get weirder before it’s over.

posted by Mudd

Are you one of those happy vegans who finds delectable delight in gooey chocolate chip cookies oozing palm oil and sustainable agave syrup? Life is good.

Unless you happen to be an orangutan.

“Zoos Victoria in Australia estimates that palm oil development causes the deaths of up to 50 orangutans per week,” says the Christian Science Monitor.

And, of course, it gets worse – “Although palm oil saves money, when carbon-rich peatlands in nations such as Indonesia and Malaysia are drained and turned into palm oil groves, the environmental impacts are enormous, says a 2009 United Nations Environment Program report.”

What’s a Neo-Green to do?

pass the butter.

posted by Mudd

According to the New York Times, “Since time immemorial, the Ogiek have been Kenya’s traditional forest dwellers. They have stalked antelope with homemade bows, made medicine from leaves and trapped bees to produce honey, the golden elixir of the woods. They have struggled to survive the press of modernity, and many times they have been persecuted, driven from their forests and belittled as “dorobo,” a word meaning roughly people with no cattle. Somehow, they have always managed to survive.”

As with so many of today’s new stories, this one comes packaged with a nasty little twist – “The Kenyan government is gearing up to evict tens of thousands of settlers, illegal or not, from the Mau Forest, the Ogiek’s ancestral home and a critical water source for this entire country.”

No one knows whether the Ogiek will be pitched into the black hole of modernity, but one thing’s for certain – they need to be dusting off those atavistic bows and arrows in case the bulldozers arrive.

posted by Mudd

This in from the Christian Science Monitor – “Scientists with NASA’s LCROSS mission, which sent an impactor hurtling into Cabeus Crater on Oct. 9, say their results turned up a significant amount of water in the plume of material the crash kicked up.”

Does this mean we can use lunar water to generate steam in Obama’s new industrial solar array coming to a desert near you? Let’s hope not.

posted by Mudd