Carbon alert! The BBC News reports that “A new business scheme could slash energy bills and cut carbon emissions by 50% more than anticipated, a study by the Environment Agency will claim. The report is expected to say that the Carbon Reduction Commitment, a government efficiency scheme, could reduce CO2 emissions by 11.6m tonnes.” (What’s a tonne?)

That’s refreshing news. But what does it mean? Could it be that the White Lab Coat Gang has come around to the antique approach of energy conservation?

Here you go: “The main tools are better management of heating, air conditioning and lighting……The study also points out that by simply turning lights off in areas that are not being used, businesses could shave 15% off their energy bills.”

Duh.

posted by Mudd

Wonder what “cap and trade” is all about? Or if it will actually spare us from our species’ dogged attempt to blow up the planet? One way to figure it is this – 7 billion techno-monkeys ain’t going to solve climate shift with a scheme that allows industrial bozos to buy a few carbon credits. The net result will always tend towards the old paradigm with a new price tag.

Then there’s the recent squabble over a pair of EPA wonks who had this to say in the Washington Post – “The biggest obstacle to this revolution is that uncontrolled fossil fuel energy remains much cheaper than clean energy. Cap-and-trade alone will not create confidence that clean energy will become profitable within a known time frame and so will not ignite the huge shift in investment needed to begin the clean-energy revolution.”

So far, the dynamic duo has made a bunch of noise, including to your representatives. They favor carbon fees and other assorted fun tactics to reverse global warming. But, like 99.99% of the carbon freaks wandering the halls of punditry, the argument remains mired in techno-mojo.

The best technology ever invented (after the hot shower) is made of latex and retards overpopulation.

posted by Mudd

Wondering what to do with the millions you made off the carry trade in Singapore currency? Worried about investing in sleazy corporate companies that pillage for profit? Time to rethink the game – now there’s neo-green investing!

“With Green Century’s mutual funds, you can use your investment dollars to help the environment. We seek competitive returns while we put your money to work for cleaner air, cleaner water and a healthier planet.”

On the other hand, when you buy stock in a company (take Wal-Mart, for example), you go through the open market, purchasing from some other bloke out there in Heartland America. Buying stock is basically a bet – that Wal-Mart’s earnings will go in the direction you want them to. Which is generally north of center.

Wal-Mart doesn’t care that you now own 1/10,000,000th of the company. They agree to pay you a dividend, assuming the quarterly profit allows it. Which, in the Mart’s case, usually turns out to be the case. You also get to vote on the company’s directors, direction, and future. It’s a goofy scheme at best, but still boils down to gambling on a horse. You don’t have to like the horse, just bet that it has the legs to come in ahead of the competition.

The karma part is your problem; call your guru (who probably owns a few shares of Wal-Mart).

What’s a bedazzled investor to do? These days – it’s anybody’s guess. All bets are off in the land of green backs: neo or otherwise.

But the emerging market in neo-green business is worth a glance. Who knows, you might become the proud owner of a mutual fund that bets on industrial windmills as they rampage across the fruited plains shredding birds and driving cows to distraction.

pass the portfolio.

posted by Mudd

For quick thinking Neo-Greens, coming up with a credible definition for the word sustainable is an ever-increasing problem. And the problem only gets funkier when the word renewable pops up. In the field of ecology, these words often connote something different than they do to such odd creatures as County Commissioners, city planners, and woo-woo environmentalists. As the infamous saying goes: Can’t we all just get along? Probably not.

How about hydro-electric dams – providers of renewable energy? Sustainable? Perhaps, in a sense. But would any sane member of our species, Homo erectus asphaltus, actually recommend constructing an industrial dam in these oh-so-green times? Of course they would.

“Up to $30.6 million in economic stimulus funds will be used to finance seven hydroelectric projects nationwide, according to the U.S. Department of Energy,” says the Environmental News Network.

“‘We’re going to bring America back to making things in this country,’ Secretary of Energy Kristina Johnson told workers assembled for the announcement on Nov. 4, 2009.”

Make things? Impoundments are certainly things – big things. But are we making these things for the right reason? A cursory look at the impacts of dams on aquatic ecosystems should make even a knuckle-headed developer shudder. From habitat fragmentation, to siltation, to reduction in flow, to interruption of spawning of native species, dams come off as anything but benign behemoths. If this is the renewable road we’re being asked to take to Grandma’s house, maybe we’re being sold a turd in a gold box.

And don’t forget to take a peek at the new wave of renewable pleasures touted by the geeks at Renewable Energy World! The future is here, and it’s anything but a biocentric’s dream.

pass the sledgehammer.

posted by Mudd

Finally – from the BBC, good news for grouches, curmudgeons, and other assorted nasties: “An Australian psychology expert who has been studying emotions has found being grumpy makes us think more clearly. In contrast to those annoying happy types, miserable people are better at decision-making and less gullible, his experiments showed.”

Thinking more clearly is one thing; but, being less gullible is a must-have for all Homo erectus asphaltus.

posted by Mudd

Attention Neo-Greens – don’t forget this season’s ultra-green edible clothing!

An edible creation made of chocolate and sweets shown during a fashion show by Greek chef Virginia Anastasiadou Levi to promote her new collection of chocolate and candies.

remote control!

posted by Mudd

Want to party under the least polluted skies on Earth? Of course you do. So head on down (under) to Cape Grim, Tasmania for some neo-green R&R. And, as the Moody Blues once said: “Breathe deep the gathering gloom.”

Of course, you’ll have to put up with those pesky industrial windmill contraptions as you’re strolling the green hills and dales. Ah, the price of purity.

pass the frequent flier miles.

posted by Mudd

You know things are getting weird out there when a couple of Kashmiri militants are whacked by a bear. BBC News reports – “The militants were armed with AK-46s but were taken by surprise – police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.”

posted by Mudd

Breaking news for all those junk food freaks out there in Cyberland – “Eating a diet high in processed food increases the risk of depression, research suggests.”

Thanks to the BBC News, we also know that “people who ate plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish actually had a lower risk of depression, the University College London team found.”

What a revelation!

posted by Mudd

You have to love this blurb from Jon Meacham at Newsweek – “Recycling Won’t Save Us, But Greed Might.”

Or his swipe at Neo-Greens with this pithy remark: “Yes, some people feel a spiritual kinship to being stewards of creation, but in this debate (as in many others) mammon trumps God.”

The rest of the piece makes sense, on a practical/economic level. Too bad Jon doesn’t understand the dynamics of carrying capacity.

If only our economists grokked biology.

calling A Gore!

posted by Mudd