Attention Zephyr readers – cancel those End of the World Parties in 2012. The gig’s in deep doo-doo!

“Chile Pixtun, a Guatemalan, says the doomsday theories spring from Western, not Mayan ideas.” Monsieur Pixtun ought to know, he’s a certified Mayan elder.

So sayeth the Associated Press: “…. most archaeologists, astronomers and Maya say the only thing likely to hit Earth is a meteor shower of New Age philosophy, pop astronomy, Internet doomsday rumors and TV specials….”

Oh well, there’s still the asteroid collision to worry about.

Pass the tequila.

posted by Mudd

I want to be green. Seriously, green. So I’m thinking about tearing down my house and slapping up a sustainable pod built entirely of 100% ecologically renewable pure-green bamboo. Imagine the beautiful smell wafting through my house, reminding me (and my neighbors) of the sweet tropical Chinese bamboo jungles.

And there’s the LEED certificate to point at when the party gets cranked, the organic wine flows, and the solar grill sizzles the GMO-free tofu to perfection.

Calling Al Gore!

Of course, before taking the plunge, it’s de rigueur to wander over yonder to TreeHugger.com for a quick review of the sustainability index of my dream house. At this point, I’m having a distinct vision of that magnificent tree house inhabited by Johnny Weissmuller in Tarzan and the Leopard Woman. Vine not included.

Damn – another dose of freaking reality! As is so often true when dealing with abstractions, the lure of bamboo can quickly morph into a Big Bamboozle in less time that it takes to say “renewably sustainable.”

For example, TreeHugger reports that “…. It is true that [bamboo] naturally regenerates, but forests are being cleared to grow it and it is becoming a monoculture. Although it is claimed that fertilizers are not necessary, in fact they are being used to increase yield.”

Huh? “Natural forests in the vicinity of bamboo plantations have sometimes given way to bamboo as a result of deliberate efforts to replace them or because of the vigorous natural expansion of bamboo in logged over forests. This process has also had a negative impact on biodiversity.”

There goes my dream love shack.

Where’s Cheeta when you need him?

posted by Mudd

Wondering about your very own green funeral? Drop in on “Grave Matters – A Journey Through the Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial.”

Do we need a fancy casket with pink lining? How do they expect us to be recycled in one of the goofy contraptions? On the other hand, if you seriously want a Hee Haw Body Bag, don’t forget to bring your check book.

How did I get into this brambled mess of a blog?

pass the kleenex.

posted by Mudd

All you proud owners of the infamous Hummer – start brushing up on your Chinese language skills asap!

General Motors (GM) has agreed to sell its iconic Hummer brand to Chinese firm Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery for an undisclosed fee.

Ni Hao?

posted by MUdd

Breaking news – WASHINGTON — The Department of the Interior has frozen oil and gas development on 60 of 77 contested drilling sites in Utah, saying the process of leasing the land was rushed and badly flawed. [New York Times]

“Some of the parcels are near Arches National Park, Canyonlands National Park and Dinosaur National Monument.”

posted by Mudd

I don’t what most folks wake up to every day, but here in the miasmic mess of Alabama, we’re treated to a relentless gusher of titillating “factoids.” Take this piece discovered in the Birmingham News, for example –

Friday, October 09, 2009

A Jefferson County convenience store was robbed Wednesday night by a gun-wielding man wearing a skeleton mask. The robber, authorities said, made his getaway on a skateboard. “It seems like Halloween is getting here early,” said sheriff’s spokesman Lt. Randy Christian.

And the name of the victim? The Kangaroo Express, of course.

Amen, and pass the remote control.

posted by Mudd

Calling all critter freaks – this just in from the New York Times:

“Are you worried about river wildlife in your area? Want to know if the animals are happy? If the water’s clean enough? Then maybe you should text them and ask!”

Or so says the New York University’s Environmental Health Clinic and the Living Architecture Lab at Columbia University.

Besides having a toothy moniker, do these guys live on our tax dollars?

posted by Mudd

From the erudite BBC News – “America has a serious soda habit: residents drink 15 billion gallons of the fizzy stuff each year.”

And, of course, it gets more interesting. Not only do we guzzle our fizz-fizzes, but “Americans are pouring calories down their throats. Sugar-sweetened drinks can contain up to 17 teaspoons of sugar per 550ml bottle.”

The answer? Quit drinking that crap.

cheers!

posted by Mudd

Calling all Neo-Greens! Dust off your threads; it’s Green Fashion Jamboree!

The one and only Karl Lagerfeld, fashionista deluxe, recently brought his mega-green fashion designs to a Paris runway and proved that “ecology can be not only politically correct, but cool.” Or something like that.

As reported by Fashion Wire Daily: “The designer even played on the legend of Marie Antoinette, famed for her farm in the Petit Trianon where she enjoyed the pleasures of the simple life – churning butter, feeding animals and extending her garden.”

And in a stunning moment of weirdness – “Farmer Lagerfeld even wore homespun jeans, but with crocodile boots, though his, like most people’s shoes at the show, turned green from all the hay”.

Amazing turn of events out there in Eco-Land. Now we can look like a Neo-Green farmer in $10,000 overalls and reptile boots while we shovel pig shit into the biodiesel compost bin!

Pass the ex-lax. And don’t forget the “wind-tousled hair.”

posted by Mudd

His name, believe it or not, is Scot Hacker and he is the Zephyr’s web HOST..tonight he has fixed our shopping cart problem and corrected many of the broken links and typos…my gratitude to Scot for his help….Jim