Omnivores unite!

“Gather round, all you clowns – PETA’s in town!”

In an effort to outdo themselves, at least in the Idiot Department, lovely PETA has taken to the proverbial road with a new schtick. New, but not improved.

According to one witness, the latest gimmick in PETA’s grab bag of goofball tricks is a campaign to prove that Vegans Make Better Lovers.

An interesting, if fatally flawed hypothesis. As students of Herr Darwin know, natural selection favored the best hunter-gatherers in Homo erectus asphaltus‘ long sordid climb into the driver’s seat of planetary domination. It wasn’t vegans that built Rome, Moscow, and Baltimore.

Here’s the skinny – PETA puts two geeky kids in their underwear on a sidewalk near you with instructions to engage in heavy lip locking. How interesting. Just what we’ve been waiting for. The joke is that, because they’re vegans, they can make-out all day without losing their, shall we say, steam.

As one reporter put it – “If vegans — who eat no meat and won’t use animal products like leather or wool — really do make better lovers, they didn’t show it. They looked like mediocre lovers. Or really, really patient ones.”

Or idiots.

And don’t forget the T-shirt (no pun).

pass the drumstick.

posted by Mudd