The New York Times reports that the new “energy plan” moving through the bowels of what used to pass for Congress has axed the nefarious “cap & trade” scenario in favor of a more, shall we say, relaxed approach.

“That plan, still being written, will include a cap on greenhouse gas emissions only for utilities, at least at first, with other industries phased in perhaps years later. It is also said to include a modest tax on gasoline, diesel fuel and aviation fuel, accompanied by new incentives for oil and gas drilling, nuclear power plant construction, carbon capture and storage, and renewable energy sources like wind and solar.”

No mention of the root cause of our current energy maladies – overpopulation.

At least our elected officials are consistent. No other aggregate of Homo erectus asphaltus can make as much noise, signifying nothing, as America’s erudite yahoos in Washington.

posted by Mudd

From the Christian Science Monitor– “A fugitive monkey living for a year on fruit and trash in the Tampa suburbs is fast on his way to becoming a major cult hero with his own Facebook page and a growing list of devoted fans.”

Social networking moves to the next level.

posted by Mudd

From Fox News – “Fifteen phony products — including a gasoline-powered alarm clock — won the Energy Star label in a test of the program’s vulnerability to fraud.”

It gets better – ” …. government investigators tried to pass off 20 fake products as energy efficient, and only two were rejected.”

Love that accountability.

posted by Mudd

As reported by Breitbart.com – “Baboons with a taste for Chardonnay grapes are terrorising farmers in South Africa’s Western Cape wine region, munching tonnes of grapes ready for harvesting, local media reported on Monday.”

The end is near; the baboons are coming!
Hide the wine and batten down the hatches….

posted by Mudd

Reported by MSNBC – “Computer chip giant Intel, for one, has estimated that e-mail overload can cost large companies as much as $1 billion a year in lost employee productivity. The intrusions are constant: each day a typical office employee checks e-mail 50 times and uses instant messaging 77 times, according to RescueTime, a firm that develops time-management software.”

We don’t call it “The Dimformation Age” for nothing.

posted by Mudd

Most monkeys know that too much salt is bad juju. At least where one’s health is concerned. Assuming one cares about one’s health, which is debatable in the these seriously wacky times. In the Land of the Free, it’s only natural that some erudite members of the species Homo erectus asphaltus choose to avoid overindulging in sodium as a general rule.

And then there’s the increasing trend by our omniscient government to ensure that it’s wards not only know about the evils of salt overdose, but are also prevented from consuming too much salt, by force if necessary. Hello, New York!

“No owner or operator of a restaurant in this state shall use salt in any form in the preparation of any food for consumption by customers of such restaurant, including food prepared to be consumed on the premises of such restaurant or off of such premises,” reads a recent bill introduced in the “New York Legislature that, if passed, would ban the use of salt in restaurant cooking.”

I wish I could make this stuff up. But I can’t.

Soon we’ll be looking at bills that would make any risky behavior verboten. No more multiple orgasms; no more tequila shooters; no more green chili cheeseburgers; no more obnoxiously loud rock muzak; no more endless hours surfing the InterNut.

The possibilities are endless and may soon affect a neighborhood near you.

George Orwell, where are you?

posted by Mudd

AOL News reports – (March 10) — “In Utah, women who seek out illegal abortions can now be charged with criminal homicide. Utah Gov. Gary Herbert on Monday signed the controversial law that allows women to be charged ‘for killing an unborn child.'”

“Thirty-eight states, including New York and California, have fetal homicide laws on the books. But according to the nonpartisan National Conference of State Legislatures, these laws are intended to criminalize ‘fetuses killed by violent acts against pregnant women,’ not by the woman herself.”

“The [Utah] legislation is the first in the country to hold a woman criminally liable for the death of her fetus.”

The long arm of the law just got longer.

posted by Mudd

From MSNBC – “A chip for Spot? In a country where guns are tightly controlled and even carrying a kitchen knife can bring prison time, some thugs use dogs to menace their victims. Now the British government is proposing that dog owners be forced to get microchips and take out insurance for their pets.”

Microchip implants? First your dog, then your cat, then your monkey – then you.

woof woof!

posted by Mudd

From the BBC News – “The human gut holds microbes containing millions of genes, say scientists. In fact, there are more genes in the flora in the intestinal system than the rest of our bodies.”

According to Professor Jeroen Raes, “Basically, we are a walking bacterial colony.”

And, as some have posited, Homo erectus asphaltus may, in fact, have evolved simply to help gut gas find a bigger field of expression. “We have about 100 times more microbial genes than human genes in the body. We also have 10 times more bacterial cells in our body than human cells,” said the erudite professor Raes.

Flatulence or bust!

posted by Mudd

The BBC News reports – “Cooking is something we all take for granted but a new theory suggests that if we had not learned to cook food, not only would we still look like chimps but, like them, we would also be compelled to spend most of the day chewing.”

And for all you Vegetablistas out yonder – “Meat – a more concentrated form of energy – not only meant bigger brains for our ancestors, but also an end to the need to devote nearly all their time to foraging to maintain energy levels.”

And then there was the iPhone…..

posted Mudd