Mirror, mirror on the wall – according to sources over yonder at MSNBC, “Seconds after Kanye West performed the mortal sin of stepping on Taylor Swift’s ‘Best Female Video’ acceptance speech at MTV’s Video Music Awards, the Internet achieved consensus: West is officially the worst person who ever lived. Ever.”

Think about that for a second. Now answer this question – Can humanoids get any crazier? See bottom of page for the answer.*

posted by Mudd

* answer: Yes.

In a boon for legions of neo-Hippies across the globe, showering has just been identified as being potentially detrimental to human health. According to the BBC, “Water spurting from shower heads can distribute bacteria-filled droplets that suspend themselves in the air and can easily be inhaled into the deepest parts of the lungs, say the scientists from the University of Colorado at Boulder.”

To complicate matters, “Showers have also been identified as a route for spreading other infectious diseases, including a type of pneumonia called Legionnaires’ disease and chest infections with a bacterium called Pseudomonas aeruginosa.”

What’s a hygienic person to do in the face of such information? Suggestion – bathe once a week, preferably with a few naked friends and some antibiotic soap. Sing “Scratch my back” by Slim Harpo.

In an effort to focus the world’s attention (all 2.4 seconds of it) on the evils of global warming, hopefully averting a crisis of Follywood proportions, what more down-to-earth shtick could you come up with than a remake of a pop song? Doesn’t that trick always work? Remember Band-Aid? Or was it Farm Aid? We R the World…..

But this time it’s going to be different. Major different. No lame Spinal Tap jive here. The new project will feature those icons of environmental defense – Duran Duran! I kid you not.

According to AFP News (whatever that is), “The media campaign featuring the song is aimed at putting pressure on world leaders to reach an agreement on tackling climate change at a UN-sponsored conference in Copenhagen in December.”

I’m getting my thermal undies out now – the world is saved!

posted by Mudd

What goes “wop, thwop, grumble and squeak”? Humpback whales, of course. You knew that.

Now the White Lab Coat guys have figured out what all that racket is about. Sort of. Take a wop for example. What to most of us is the sound of an open palm going up against our head, to a whale it means something entirely different. “The wop was probably one of the most common sounds I heard, probably signifying a mum calf contact call,” said Queensland researcher Rebecca Dunlop.

As you might’ve predicted, a purring sound tends to be the preferred vocalization for males looking to score with the pods available ladies. And the list goes on.

Stay tuned, CDs are certainly forthcoming!

posted by Mudd

Breaking story from Germany — LANDAU IN DER PFALZ, Germany — Government officials here are reviewing the safety of a geothermal energy project that scientists say set off an earthquake in mid-August, shaking buildings and frightening many residents of this small city. [Environmental News Network]

And just when you were pondering hooking your house up to a pool of magma!

posted by Mudd

Just in case you were headed to the laboratory in hopes of creating a solar cell out of your hair, you might want to read this piece in the Christian Science Monitor first – A Nepalese solar panel made from human hair? We’re not convinced.

Just in case you think the government is protecting you from skanky drinking water, here’s some hot news from the New York Times – “In the last five years alone, chemical factories, manufacturing plants and other workplaces have violated water pollution laws more than half a million times.”

Not to leave it that, the Times goes on to the juicy stuff – “State officials have repeatedly ignored obvious illegal dumping, and the Environmental Protection Agency, which can prosecute polluters when states fail to act, has often declined to intervene.”

Fortunately, the Clean Water Act contains a citizen’s suit provision, whereby Joe the Plumber can sue polluters on his own behalf. Try it, you’ll like it!

posted by Mudd

In an odd twist of Fate, or evolution (take your pick), the White Lab Coat guys have turned up an exciting new factoid related to one of my favorite birds, Haast’s eagle. Actually, I only heard of the critter a few minutes ago, but now find myself looking over my shoulder every time I hear a titmouse chirp through the window.

Why? Because of this titillating headline from our friends at MSNBC – Extinct eagle may have eaten humans!

Imagine the buzz if America’s bevy of Bald eagles suddenly morphed into man-eating buzzards, intent on nabbing neighborhood kids for an afternoon snack.

Who you gonna call?

posted by Mudd

Chalk another one up for the Obama Administration – “gun salesman of the century”!

So sayeth the Christian Science Monitor: “Across America, police departments are using the taxpayer-funded stimulus bill to boost their arsenals with shotguns, handguns, and assault rifles.”

I don’t know about my local police department, but my favorite shooter is a hefty Ruger .357 magnum revolver, beefed up with hollow point stingers.

Make my day….

posted by Mudd

In a fascinating wrinkle where those pesky computers are concerned, a story out of Africa should warm the heart of even the most jaded cyber-punk. Coming to us from lovely Johannesburg, it appears that “a business needing to send 4GB of data 50 miles put Winston the pigeon up against the Web – and Winston won.”

It gets better – “Winston arrived after two hours, six minutes, and 57 seconds,” says Kevin Rolfe, head of the information technology department at Unlimited Group, a call-center business based in Durban. As for the Internet data transfer, he says, “when we finally stopped the computer, about 100 megs had transferred, which is about 4 percent of the total.”

Let’s hope PETA doesn’t find out!

posted by Mudd